How a Grandparent Buys a Birthday Present

The Baby has turned two and shall henceforth be known here as the Toddler *sobs and wipes away a wee tear*

Yesterday was the big day which was full of yummy food, petting zoos, being spoiled and, of course, presents.

There’s a checklist I go through when planning to buy the Toddler a gift. There is also a checklist my son’s grandparents go through when planning to buy a gift. I realize now that those checklists can have a couple of key differing points.

Mama’s List

  • Is it something the Toddler is interested in?
  • Is it educational or good for fine/gross motor skills?
  • Does it do more than one thing?
  • Does it use his imagination?
  • Can he play with it independently without causing whining and tantrums?
  • Does it have few pieces that wont be scattered to all end of the earth and take an age to tidy away?
  • Will I survive standing on one of the pieces?
  • Is it affordable?
  • Will it entertain him for more than 10 minutes?
  • Is it sturdy enough not to collapse every time he goes near it and cause wailing?

And, most importantly:

  • Will I able to handle my son playing with it for an hour at 5 am without wanting to chuck it (and him) out the window?

If the answer to all of these questions is yes I usually get myself onto a well known second hand auction site and get bidding.

My parent’s list has different priorities.

 Grandparents’ list.

  • Is it so loud and persistent that you wont be able to hold a conversation over the racket?
  • Is it waaay to old for him?
  • Does it carry an element of danger?
  • Is it something he has no hope of playing with independently?
  • Is it something that actually the Grandpa might have more fun playing with than the Toddler?
  • Did it cost a small fortune?
  • Does it offer no developmental opportunities whatsoever?
  • Is it something the Toddler will love deeply despite being age inappropriate, dangerous and causing tantrums?
  • Is it so mind numbingly annoying that it will inevitably be ‘forgotten’ at Grandma’s house by the Mama when it comes time to leave?

Yes! Fantastic- let’s buy it!

Thanks, Grandpa. The Toddler loves his new racing car track which is meant for over fives, a very deafeningly loud motor, requires adult supervision to be played with and fires heavy metal cars around at the speed of light before they inevitable crash and are flung off the track into soft, unsuspecting faces. Awesome.

grandparents gifts

The #FartGlitter Linky: Week Thirty Four

Hey!

Welcome to #FartGlitter, a parenting link up hosted by myself, Poop Rainbow Mama

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and the wonderful Dawn from Rhyming with Wine

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My favourite post from last week was ‘Don’t Get Annoyed If You’ve Put A Bunny On Your Head’ by All Things Spliced. A fabulous and hilarious list of things you never through would cross your lips but post children seem perfectly normal. Dawn plumped for ‘The First Case of Exhausted Mother Reported as School Year Ends’ by Absolutely Prabulous. Congratulations featured bloggers. Please grab a badge from below if you fancy.

So we’re here, back again, as every Monday 6am- 11.55pm on Wednesday (GMT) ready for you to link up your parenting posts, old and new.

If you’re new and haven’t done a linky yet the lovely Cuddle Fairy has written a great instruction post which you can find here. If you get stuck don’t be shy, send me a tweet and I’ll see if I can help.

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What to do:
  • Add up to two posts to the Inlinkz link below.
  • Please grab the badge and stick it at the bottom of your post.
  • Please swing by and comment on the host posts, the one immediately before yours and one you’ve chosen at random, or more if you can :-). Karma is big in the blogging world.
  • Tag your comments with a #fartglitter so people know where you’re coming from.
  • Tweet @pooprainbowmama and @rhymingwithwine, if you want to and we’ll share your link with our followers.
  • If you’re not on the tweet reminder list but would like to get a little Twitter nudge every Monday morning please tweet us and let us know.
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The #FartGlitter Linky: Week Thirty Three

Hey!

Welcome to #FartGlitter, a parenting link up hosted by myself, Poop Rainbow Mama

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and the wonderful Dawn from Rhyming with Wine

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My favourite post from last week was ‘Shopping + Kids= Disaster! ‘ by Five Little Doves. This brave lady wrote about her decision to attempt shopping with not one, not two but three young kids. She then allowed us to laugh at her nightmare.  Dawn plumped for ‘The Battle of Bedtime’ by Not An Effing Fairy Tale Blog.Congratulations featured bloggers. Please grab a badge from below if you fancy.

So we’re here, back again, as every Monday 6am- 11.55pm on Wednesday (GMT) ready for you to link up your parenting posts, old and new.

If you’re new and haven’t done a linky yet the lovely Cuddle Fairy has written a great instruction post which you can find here. If you get stuck don’t be shy, send me a tweet and I’ll see if I can help.

My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
What to do:
  • Add up to two posts to the Inlinkz link below.
  • Please grab the badge and stick it at the bottom of your post.
  • Please swing by and comment on the host posts, the one immediately before yours and one you’ve chosen at random, or more if you can :-). Karma is big in the blogging world.
  • Tag your comments with a #fartglitter so people know where you’re coming from.
  • Tweet @pooprainbowmama and @rhymingwithwine, if you want to and we’ll share your link with our followers.
  • If you’re not on the tweet reminder list but would like to get a little Twitter nudge every Monday morning please tweet us and let us know.
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You Can’t Win A Battle of Wills With a Toddler

You can always tell what’s stressing me out as a mother as it features heavily on here. So this week we’re back on food. Sorry.

As you might have read here, here or here food and the Baby has been an ongoing problem. A confident, exploring and happily eating baby-led-weaned one year old slowly narrowed his opinion of acceptable menu options until we reached this point, just shy of his second birthday, where he effectively eats only one meal and a handful of snacks. Most of which aren’t particularly healthy.

Because I am a googling mother I have read almost every piece of advice going, of which there is no shortage. I have presented a variety of different food, ate as a family, offered rejected items 15 (++++) times, begged, bribed and ignored. As you might have guessed this panicked flitting from one approach to another hasn’t led to a particularly consistent approach with regards to meal times.

I got a bee in my bonnet the other night when the Baby asked for eggs and then, when they were happily plonked in front of him, pushed them away and refused to eat a bite.

The red mist came down.

This has gone on for long enough. This ends now. The foot is being put down.

The adage should read, ‘You can lead a toddler to eggs but you can’t make him effing eat the ba#$%rd things’.

His two mothers, grandmother, grandfather and uncle begged him to eat the eggs. He was offered bribes of Thomas yogurt, ice cream and cake. The amount of eggs he needed to eat fell from a plate to a few bites to one bite to a lick. He bounced back and forth from the naughty spot. There were tears aplenty, both his and mine.

Eventually, as it became obvious my stubbornness was clearly matched by my offspring’s we called it quits and sent him to bed with no dinner.

Needless to say this wasn’t my most shining parenting moment.

Desperation, wine and exhaustion led me to make the decision that this wasn’t working and wasn’t worth the stress. We’re going with ignoring. He’ll be given a meal on a plate and he eats it or he doesn’t. No begging, cajoling or bribing. No fuss.

We’re three days into this new plan and there have been a few missed meals but he doesn’t seem any the worse for it and my sanity is intact. The only slight wobble I had was when he woke up the morning after the nightmare night and, when asked what he would like for breakfast, replied:

eggs

Give.Me.Strength.

The #FartGlitter Linky: Week Thirty Two

Hey!

Welcome to #FartGlitter, a parenting link up hosted by myself, Poop Rainbow Mama

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and the wonderful Dawn from Rhyming with Wine

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My favourite post from last week was ‘What I Wish I Knew In My 30s’ by Mummy Muckups. She’s making me feel quite ahead of the game as I am not a crazy party animal anymore and apparently that’s a good thing- yay! Dawn went for “Peppa Pig ‘More Addictive Than Cocaine’ Warn Experts” by A Life Just Ordinary. Check them out if you haven’t already. Congratulations featured bloggers. Please grab a badge from below if you fancy.

So we’re here, back again, as every Monday 6am- 11.55pm on Wednesday (GMT) ready for you to link up your parenting posts, old and new.

If you’re new and haven’t done a linky yet the lovely Cuddle Fairy has written a great instruction post which you can find here. If you get stuck don’t be shy, send me a tweet and I’ll see if I can help.

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What to do:
  • Add up to two posts to the Inlinkz link below.
  • Please grab the badge and stick it at the bottom of your post.
  • Please swing by and comment on the host posts, the one immediately before yours and one you’ve chosen at random, or more if you can :-). Karma is big in the blogging world.
  • Tag your comments with a #fartglitter so people know where you’re coming from.
  • Tweet @pooprainbowmama and @rhymingwithwine, if you want to and we’ll share your link with our followers.
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A Toddler’s Comedic Timing

I was raised in deepest, darkest Fife, Scotland which is an excuse I used to regularly use when called out on my potty mouth. Since the Baby showed signs of being pre-verbal I have dramatically cleaned up my act, reaching for treasures such as ‘sugar’, ‘oopsie daisy’ and ‘cinders and ashes’ in moments of angst rather than my old, favourite, four-letter words.

It is completely unfair then that the Baby keeps warping non-swear words beyond all recognition and making out to all and sundry that I’m teaching him the vocabulary of a drunk Glaswegian with tourettes.

It is doubly unfair that these outbursts of mispronunciation never seem to happen in the quiet and peace of our own home but rather in the most public and embarrassing situations possible.

When we traveled to the UK last Christmas my tot was pelting through Amsterdam airport gleefully and loudly pointing out all the people who were sitting. Unfortunately his ‘s’ sound at that time was coming out much more like a ‘sh’. I ran behind him with a rapidly spreading blush as I hollered, ‘Yes, darling. They are sitting!’. It didn’t seem to appease the horrified looking travelers.

On this latest trip my lovely tot was muddling the word ‘penny’ and ‘penis’. If you were travelling through Delhi airport a few weeks ago and heard a young but deep voice shouting, ‘Where are you, penis? Oh no, penis. Penis fall down.’ it wasn’t nearly as bad as it sounded. Honest.

But I think my most uncomfortable moment was at a tiny restaurant in the small village where my parents live. That morning the Baby and I had been reading a fun, dinosaur, lift-the-flap book. The Baby was particularly taken with a page where a dinosaur uses his tail to ‘twack’ a carnivore on the nose. So much so that we reread that page. Many, many times. Unfortunately the Baby waited several hours, until we were in a small, intimate restaurant to revisit the moment….

dinosaur goes thuck 1

 

I’ve decided to collect some child-friendly, alternative curse words. So far I’ve heard ‘cheesecake’, ‘cheese and biscuits’, ‘shazbat’, ‘fiddlesticks’ and ‘fiddlydee’. What are your favourites? Has your toddler’s alternative pronunciation of inoffensive words ever landed you in it?

The #FartGlitter Linky: Week Thirty One

Hey!

Welcome to #FartGlitter, a parenting link up hosted by myself, Poop Rainbow Mama

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and the wonderful Dawn from Rhyming with Wine

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My favourite post from last week was ‘Top Ten Must-Have Toys’ by Not a Terrible Mother. This is a much more realistic and sensible response to ‘What do I need to buy for my baby’ google searches. Dawn went for  ‘To Daddy Pig on Father’s Day’ by Life as a Single Mum. Congratulations featured bloggers. Please grab a badge from below if you fancy.

So we’re here, back again, as every Monday 6am- 11.55pm on Wednesday (GMT) ready for you to link up your parenting posts, old and new.

If you’re new and haven’t done a linky yet the lovely Cuddle Fairy has written a great instruction post which you can find here. If you get stuck don’t be shy, send me a tweet and I’ll see if I can help.

My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
What to do:
  • Add up to two posts to the Inlinkz link below.
  • Please grab the badge and stick it at the bottom of your post.
  • Please swing by and comment on the host posts, the one immediately before yours and one you’ve chosen at random, or more if you can :-). Karma is big in the blogging world.
  • Tag your comments with a #fartglitter so people know where you’re coming from.
  • Tweet @pooprainbowmama and @rhymingwithwine, if you want to and we’ll share your link with our followers.
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The Weirdest Scottish Toddler

We touched down in the UK a week ago and I think the whole family experienced a little culture shock after living in Bangkok for the last five years. Particularly when jetlag had the baby awake and raring to go at 3.30am and saw us stomping around the streets of London at 5 am with the drunks and crazies. Fun times.

I was surprised how used to the quiet Thai way of life I’d gotten. I think in five years of living in Bangkok I heard a Thai person raise their voice twice. It took less than ten minutes for a drunk guy behind us to start effing and blinding.

Perhaps the most shocked was the Baby though. He has been the UK before for holidays but they were few and far between. The last holiday, at Christmas might as well have been a lifetime ago for the few memories I think he has of it.

After just a few days I quickly realized my son might be the weirdest Scottish toddler out there, or at least in the running. And here are a few reasons why…

  1. My son is not used to the feeling of long sleeves or trousers.
  2. He will eat egg tofu but not potatoes (outside of the fried variety).
  3. He had never seen a cow in the flesh before.weirdest toddler 2
  4. He has never experienced cold rain.
  5. He has never gone swimming indoors.
  6. He has never been allowed to run freely in the grass before. weirdest toddler
  7. He has never worn welly boots.
  8. He has never had rosy cheeks from the cold.

Pretty odd, huh? He’s making up for lost time now though! We’ve got six weeks in the Highlands to make a country kid out of my city boy. You should have seen his face when he got mud on his hands yesterday. We’ve got a lot of work to do!

The #FartGlitter Linky: Week Thirty

Hey!

Welcome to #FartGlitter, a parenting link up hosted by myself, Poop Rainbow Mama

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and the wonderful Dawn from Rhyming with Wine.

 

Dawn and I are taking a wee break next week but services shall resume as normal on the 4th July. See you back here then.

My favourite post from last week was ‘An Open Letter to Thomas the Tank Engine’ by Sparkles & Stretchmarks.. Thanks for helping me see the good side of Thomas when I’m deep in the midst of a toddler obsession. Dawn went for ‘Why parents are beating themselves up for not spending enough time with their kids’ by Domesticated Momster. Congratulations featured bloggers. Please grab a badge from below if you fancy.

So we’re here, back again, as every Monday 6am- 11.55pm on Wednesday (GMT) ready for you to link up your parenting posts, old and new.

If you’re new and haven’t done a linky yet the lovely Cuddle Fairy has written a great instruction post which you can find here. If you get stuck don’t be shy, send me a tweet and I’ll see if I can help.

My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows
What to do:
  • Add up to two posts to the Inlinkz link below.
  • Please grab the badge and stick it at the bottom of your post.
  • Please swing by and comment on the host posts, the one immediately before yours and one you’ve chosen at random, or more if you can :-). Karma is big in the blogging world.
  • Tag your comments with a #fartglitter so people know where you’re coming from.
  • Tweet @pooprainbowmama and @rhymingwithwine, if you want to and we’ll share your link with our followers.
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The Ups and Downs of Independence in Toddlers

Since the Baby could sit unsupported that’s what he’s done- in a highchair with a selection of finger foods to nibble on…or smush in his hair and throw on the floor. I was desperate to teach him some independence and, lets face it, enjoy my meal when it still contained a little warmth.

We’ve continued to encourage his independence in other ways too. At the moment we’re working on him getting himself undressed. I was congratulating myself on the way in which I was raising my son when I was brought back to Earth with a bump. Suddenly I saw the negative side of toddler independence…

independent baby-page-001

 

Pass me a baby spoon, please.